Candlestick, now and then

Then: Perfect for a midnight toilet break. Effective at dissuading ghosts/madwomen from attacking.

Now: Available at Ikea. The most rad candle holder ever. Effective at dissuading swine flu and 21st Century Breakdown (both the condition and the new Green Day album) from attacking.

The God of Small Things including my heart

See this book? You must read it. Immediately. Why?

See this lady? This is Arundhati Roy. She is brilliant. She will show you how literature is still important in a fundamentally personal, enjoyable, break-my-heart-with-shiny-shiny-pure-love-talent-through-which-you-open-my-eyes-to-a-different-view-of-life-and-reality kind of way. 

It's not often that a book can be innovative with language, structurally clever and engaging all at the same time. "The God of Small Things" skips and hops (a little like two-egg twins are wont to do) through the story of an Indian family as they encounter a series of escalating disasters. Early into the book, you already know what will happen, but Roy will keep you hooked, wondering how it all fits together.

As Roy says herself on p229, "The great stories are the ones you have heard and want to hear again. The ones you can enter anywhere and inhabit comfortably. They don't deceive you with thrills and trick endings. they don't surprise you with the unforeseen. They are as familiar as the house you live in. Or the smell of your lover's skin. You know how they end, yet you listen as though you don't. In the way that although you know that one day you will die, you live as though you won't. In the Great Stories you know who lives, who dies, who finds love, who doesn't. And yet you want to know again."

And though this whole paragraph is as pretentious as an uncalled-for Shakespeare reference, there is a lot of truth to it. Every single time I watch Romeo and Juliet, I have to physically hold myself back from grabbing his pretty little jaw, turning it towards the awakening damsel and yelling loudly 'for god's sake man, just wait a minute longer!'

Everyone has there special list of books which are so familiar and enjoyable that they can be started on any random page. Those 'Great Stories', which aren't always 'High Literature', speak to you personally, communicating something unique to the book and unique to you. Here is my list: 

For "The God of Small Things", the clincher (apart from the epic word play, surreal imagery, outrageously-captivating story and valuable characters; evidently there is a fair amount of awesome in this book) to making this read truly worthwhile are the insights into human behaviour. To me, it is the descriptions where a literary situation becomes emblematic for a self-experienced moment, culminating in a fresh understanding, which makes a work momentous. It's these moments which make an author relevant to the reader. 

This is my favourite such moment from "The God of Small Things". The three children have dressed up as fancy ladies, and visited their adult friend. He, Velutha, pretends not to recognise them: 

"They visited him in saris, clumping gracelessly through red mud and long grass... and introduced themselves as Mrs Pillai, Mrs Eapen and Mrs Rajagopalan. Velutha introduced himself and his paralysed brother... He chatted to them about the weather. The river. The fact that in his opinion coconut trees were getting shorter by the year. As were the ladies in Ayemenem. He introduced them to his surly hen. He showed them his carpentary tools, and whittled them each a wooden spoon.

"It is only now, these years later, that Rahel with adult hindsight, recognized the sweetness of that gesture. A grown man entertaining three raccoons, treating them like real ladies. Instinctively colluding in the conspiracy of their fiction, taking care not to decimate it with adult carelessness. Or affection.

"It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of a dream being carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain.

"To let it be, to travel with it, as Velutha did, is much the harder thing to do."

This bit also shows how clever Roy is with her tense and structure. The flashbacks occur simultaneously with other sections of the timeline, creating a flood of memories, thoughts, images jumbled together in some kind of fabulous plot risotto or omelette or... God, it's just so amazing. 

I will say no more.

Instead, look at these flickr images based on the book! Yay!

Vee Speers

'The Birthday Party' by Australian photographer Vee Speers is probably the coolest thing you will see today. Forget about the David Attenborough documentary on telly or the weird thing some guy down at the pub can do with his double-jointed thumb, Speers presents us with something truly intoxicating. Blending the space between reality and fantasy, these photos are a chilling retreat into the costumes of childhood parties.

Through a combination of subject choice, extensive props and gorgeous handmade costumes, Speers creates complex characters and situations. These images appear to have an agenda, as though a message were intended to reach the viewer, though what that message may be is left unstated.  Through the visual juxtaposition between these divergent elements Speers creates a marvellous, unknown tension which leaves the audience bewildered.

"Speers wanted to use the imaginary birthday party backdrop to address both our collective human experience of war and our need to retreat from it into fantasy. The concept is very streamlined, as are the visuals - lone children against the same gray wall staring openly at the camera - and the elements work together to create these timeless portraits" Quoted from Vee Speer's Webpage.

There are unconfirmed rumours floating around the blog-o-sphere that the works are informed by a series of short stories. However, without an explanation beyond the series title, 'The Birthday Party', the audience is intrinsically involved. Through a thwarted desire for explanation, Speers deepens the dramatic tension. As viewers, we are left to our own suppositions.

Amazing.

Love Centine,

xoxoxoxox

Arise Africa Fashion Week

Arise Africa Fashion Week is currently promoting the continent's best and most beautiful clothing designers:

Designer : Sandra Muendane (Mozambique)

Love the plaid shoes with socks combination. So cute. Totally trying this tomorrow.

Designer : Lanre da Silva (Nigeria)

Oh oh oh!  I have this dream of the perfect corporate wardrobe, full of crazy cool adapted work outfits. This one needs to be amongst it. The gold collar is also glittery, making it even more brilliant. No one would mess with me in this outfit, no-sir-ee!!

Designer : Helen Asrat (Ethiopia)

Gasp. Divine.

Designer : Thula Sindi (South Africa)

Only the coolest LBD of this season! The bodice structure flows really nicely into the skirt. And how cute are the ballerina-style shoes?!

Designer : Tiffany Amber (Nigeria)

Love. Especially the sleeves. Love love love.

Designer : JewelbyLisa (Nigeria)

Eye-squinting brightness. Heart.

Designer : Nkwo (Nigeria)

This dress is too awesome for words. Love the anklet things. 

Designer : Ituen Basi (Nigeria)

Oh my cotton socks, it's beautiful, it's wonderful, it's everything I've ever wanted! Over-the-top beading, bright colours and contrasting shoes. Very nice!

Monty Don Bourke aka The Passing on of the Crown of Television Garden King

You say: Another post, Centine? What is going on? Have you nothing better to do?

I say: It's exam time. Get off my back. Or bring me a double-shot mocha. 

Despite the terrible, terrible, awful, regrettable title of his latest show, Monty Don has an amusing name and a pleasant screen manner. "Around the World in 80 Days" (cliché much? Lame much?) is a wonderful exploration - and almost an analysis - of a garden, as well as the process of creating said garden. He explores the way people garden, why and how. He visits famous big touristy gardens and small private individual gardens. Basically, he owns your television for an hour and rants about gardens and things in the most delightful way. 

Some of the countries which he visits on the show include:

* Mexico

* Cuba

* Brazil

* Argentina

* Chile

* Japan

* China

* US to the A

* India

* Morocco

* More countries than you'll ever actually go to

* South Africa

* Norway

* The Netherlands (represent!)

* Australia (And again!)

* New Zealand

* Etc etc.

 And once you prevail past the incredibly mumsie idea behind the show, it is actually quite enjoyable. Basically, you're listening to a charming, intelligent English man (always pleasant) while looking at pretty pictures. Don't believe me? Check out his promo (gosh he's so charming and attractive and intelligent... swoon) and then look at these gardens:

Pretty, right?

What have you got to say to that, Don Burke?

...

Don?

...

... Oh right... 

...

yeah... yeah, bugs are cool, I guess...

Silvester/Capote

If you are anything like me, the name "Moran" immediately conjures up images of this man, usually with an accompanying smoke machine and rose petals falling delicately from the ceiling:

The delightful, the devine, Dylan Moran. Sigh.

For most of the Australian population, who haven't been living with me under a rock consuming nothing but stale malteasers and Black Books dvds, "Moran" instead represents the underbelly Melbourne gangland family. I promise, as soon as exams are over I'll come out from my self-contained hermitude and watch the dvds. Alone. 

Des Moran, the last of his 'crime dynasty', was murdered yesterday in Ascot Vale. 

This photo was taken after an attempt on his life in March. Now this guy was tough. Here he is just casually pointed to a gun hole, directly aimed at the driver's seat of his car. And not only did he call the gunman an "inbred albino [expletive]" (guesses, anyone?) to news crews, he was quoted as saying "I'm not scared one bit. Anyone who did it like that is a coward. If he'd been fair dinkum, he would have fired five or six shots, wouldn't he?" 

What a legend. What a cool cucumber. What a remarkable, fantastic response. This article from the Sydney Morning Herald may me feel pretty bummed that Des 'Tuppence' Moran won't be making any more of these fantastic, larger than life statements.

Though something else about this article caught my eye. John Silvester, who penned this article 'Killer claims the last of the Morans', also happens to be the author of 'Underbelly'. Now I say this as though it were a coincidence, and try to remain as casual as Des Moran, but all I can think of is this:

Truman Capote. The fabulous and eccentric author of 'In Cold Blood' pioneered the non-fiction novel genre through a detailed account of the horrific murders of the Clutter family, and the trial of Richard Hickock and Perry Smith. 'In Cold Blood' is a sensational and touching account of how a disconnected writer can be drawn into the complexities of a real life situation. Though it was initially a short article in a newspaper, Capote eventually came to gain the trust of Hickock and Smith as they suffered on death row, allowing for dramatic insights into a psychologically thrilling (in the movie genre sense, not excitement) situation. Through his interest and persistence, Capote became something of an expert on the incident. His work has recently been adapted into not one, but two amazing movies - 'Capote' and 'Infamous'.

Like Capote, Silvester has transcended the limits of a single medium. His expertise on the Moran family and the Gangland wars have allowed him to write a non-fiction novel as well as for numerous Australian newspapers, culminating in a Walkley Award in 2004. What an exciting, amazing repeat of history. 

And John, I'm sorry for using this cartoon to represent you. If you could maybe upload a picture of yourself onto wikipedia, I will replace it immediately.

Cheers.

Centine.

xoxoxo

Beer Bike

This is a beer bike, a common sight in most Dutch cities (not just Amsterdam). Basically, ten people sit around a moving bar, pedalling away to their heart's content, while a stone-cold designated driver (in the Netherlands affectionately called "Bob". No really, there is this hilariously folky song and this silly advertisement to prove it.) 

Where was I? 

Right, with one designated driver up front taking the jolly group for a sight-seeing tour around the city (which is not always Amsterdam).

Yesterday the beer bike made it onto the Australian news. And then this morning, I wake to find the Sydney Morning Herald.com covering it again. Now in my humble opinion, there simply has GOT to be more important news in the world to cover than a change in Dutch Government regulations against what is essentially no more than a buck's party novelty item. 

And, gosh, I've seen these things in person. Watch this video, immediately.
Did that seem dangerous to you? They're playing youthful Michael Jackson, while regular bikes zoom past without a problem. "Watch out lady! A very slow and cumbersome 10-person bike is gradually running you over!" The whole situation reminds me of that drawn-out steamroller scene from Austin Powers.

It seems to me that accidents simply happen, usually to amazing comedic effect. And alcoholic idiots will continue to cause a problem, especially in a city like Amsterdam which champions intoxication of all kinds (I'm not going to implicate any other Dutch cities in that statement). Maybe it's time for us to accept the bruises to our egos and shins, and simply let the kids have a bit of fun on the weekend. Because as far as dangerous or worrisome international situations go, this seems more concerning to me than this.

Lots o Love

Centine

Growing Up Awkward

What do the following images have in common?

If you answered 'they are funny', you're half right.

If you answered 'they are funny and they are awkward', you're getting closer.

If you answered 'they are funny because they are awkward', you are bang on the money.

Yet it seems to me that this whole 'laughing at that awkward thing that just happened' is a rather new phenomenon. I clearly remember watching Napoleon Dynamite for the first time: though I was laughing hysterically, I felt inCREDibly uncomfortable watching all this awkwardness on telly.

Why uncomfortable? Because I felt manipulated by the film to laugh at a 'character' rather than at a 'situation'. Napoleon was like the weird kid at school, and viewing the movie made me like the bully. By positioning the audience in this manner the final dance scene becomes a triumph over the viewer and oppositional characters alike.

This movie proves that you and I are a bunch of jerks, showing that all along you've been complicit in laughing at this kid, who is evidently cooler and hipper than we could ever hope to be. Those dance moves own all over anything you have ever done. That thesis you just finished? Rubbish. Your ability to translate French? Worthless. Your recent foray into pussy-bow blouses? Lame. Unless of course you're rocking that shirt with some sick Jamiroquai dance moves.

So today, while I was meant to be studying International Marketing for a terribly scary exam on Friday (50%?!), I instead thought about why we find things funny. Some of the most brilliant internet memes of the moment (should I say mement? No... no I shouldn't) centre around these amazingly awkward situations. Think fmylife, think failblog.org, think awkward family photos. Each more painful and hilarious than the last. From 'Flight of the Conchords, there's Mel's vlog. And of course Arrested Development: Gob is a genius, brilliant, shining example of the 'awkward funny'.

Traditionally, 'satire' is used to "ridicule, expose and criticise people's stupidity or vices". However, it is only considered truly satirical if this humour is targeted at an individual in a position of power. Humour is the great leveller, able to stump politicians and mock the powerful, as in this image by W. Heath, "Waist and Extravagance", which ridicules the fashion of circa 1830 (a topical image for you all, I'm sure).

However, these awkward-funny moments and situations are not aimed at powerful figures of society. Indeed, it is the teenage kid, the unemployed magician, the anonymous working drone, and the unfashionable mullet/handle-bar mo bearer who now cops the brunt of our jokes. 

If indeed it is the least empowered individuals who are now our laughing stock, is this humour still satirical, and more importantly, ethical? And what does this reveal about contemporary human nature, that we feel that laughing at the underdog is not only culturally acceptable but entertaining? Is this a new form of humour? Have awkward situations always seemed this hilarious? Or is popular culture highlighting a malicious and hurtful aspect of our individual personalities? 

Oh, heck, this is just too hilarious for words OR analysis!

Roflcopter.

Love love,

Centine.